Tired of fighting to SHINE

Tonight we had mini- showers for Susan (baby) and Serena (wedding) at Kim's (ole abpg co-workers and crews, past and present). It was pretty funny going from opening sexy nighties to cutesie onsies in such a short period of time!! I will send you girls the pics - the whole night was a wonderful stress reliever for me. Lots of laughter and catching up happening! kat = happy. (pic: meg, su, kat, aud, serena, alissa, kim)

source of strees:
So. I had a shit day yesterday. Specifically, at work yesterday. And I am still trying to get over it. The day started out awful and it just kept on keeping on. We had a surprise staff meeting and evaluations (we just had our annual performance reviews & they went great; I got a raise) and they expressed some concerns about me as an employee (why didn’t they tell me at the review last month? – I defiantly haven’t done anything less performance-wise in the past month.) I don’t have a problem with them expressing their concerns - if that is the way they feel I would like to know about it; I just wasn’t expecting it and overall think I have done A WHOLE BUNCH to further the success of this company and I felt “under surprise attack”. (Keep in mind I have received a 9% raise from this company over 1 years time and keep in mind that I have old bosses I still talk to on relatively frequent basis that adored me as an employee). The thing is I know that I am an amazing employee. (My boss actually used the words “bad employee”) I freaking like my job and I am freaking good at it. I would go as far as saying I am amazing at it. (I know we all have things we can improve and I have a lot to learn but I know without a doubt that I am good.) Basically, I feel like all the projects and quality work I have done in the past year are being overlooked b/c they want me to “get back to basics” (read: answer the phones, make copies, file crap). I know in a four-person office everyone has to do these menial tasks – if you’ve ever worked in a small office YOU KNOW, and I don’t complain about it EVER. I don’t even mind doing them. I just feel like if they want someone be “back to the basics” girl, it shouldn’t be me. I have A DEGREE. Sigh. 25 years old. Feel like I’m not getting anywhere. But I will do it. For the moment. The worst part about it was that I got upset in the meeting – like tears upset. How absolutely embarrassing and unprofessional. I felt like such a child. Like everything I have been working on to further myself/career was accumulating to not a whole lot (I know – insert overdramatic thinking here but at that exact moment it felt awful and I couldn’t be unemotional. I work OT and don’t get paid, I rarely take a lunch… maybe stupid on my part but I was enjoying working hared…Maybe I just wasn’t born to be in the business world – I need to toughen UP! Who cries in the face of criticism?!?!? UGH!). And now, I am nervous that they are tyring to force me to quit or are going to have to lay me off or something crazy because of things out of my control – that would be a first for me and not something I have ever had to worry about. (Hi Mom and Dad – welcome me to the real world???!? Where bosses do sneak attacks and people lost their jobs not based on performance?!?!?!)

I didn’t mean to say this much in such a public forum. (Trust me there was a lot I left out!) I don’t think that my employer reads this – but at this point I am not sure I am concerned about it. I guess if things are going to change in my company, there isn’t much I can do about it. How much longer do I have to “pay my dues” before I get somewhere career-wise? I know I look young – I probably always will – but TAKE ME SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. So frustrated – mostly because I ACTUALLY LIKE MY JOB!

please try and keep your comments clean! Audra and I went to HH yesterday and I came home and chatted on my phone to like 8 people, beer in hand – anyone who was forced to listen to me, I thank you. Anyone who actually made it through this entire rant, I thank you. I’m over it now. Kinda. Just weighing some options/trying to decide the best approach. Def. cutting out taking any work home, working through lunch, designing any websites for free. Advice welcome. Don't criticize too harshly; I might cry! ;)