billie jean is not my lover

so i put on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans yesterday. (and not even my 'fat jeans.') (they were a little tight and there was some 'spillage' but they buttoned - i will TAKE IT!)

i pulled out a piece of paper from the pocket.

it was a to-do list.

item #1 said:

TAKE DOWN THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

hahaha.

guess its been a while since i've worn them.

(or washed them)

4 weeks, 4 days

one month

one month.

and he is still alive. can you believe it?

(i still check that he is breathing... maybe only once a day or so now. you know... the old finger under the nose or hand on the back!)

and he has gained weight. multiple chins are appearing. and he goes to the bathroom. (this is exciting to me. since we are breastfeeding i obsessively count diapers and weigh him on our crappy scale which i am sure is not accurate at all... but it does put him a little above 9 lbs now...)

on that note, breastfeeding is getting much better. we are both starting to get better at it. it's still challenging (last night sucked.). i think i am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. all you girls who said if you can make it through the first 6 weeks you are golden, i believe you now. i am ridiculously proud of myself b/c he hasn't had any formula. and that was one of my baby goals. (well, my goal is to make it to one year.)

my darling sister has been here since tuesday. she has been fabulous. especially since we aren't out and about all that much. (we watch the first season of 'weeds' while naterade naps. or eats. this week she has seen me topless. a lot.)

nate is still holding on to some color (skin) but his eye lashes and brows are PRETTY blonde so i think he is going to be a fair little one here in a week or two.

oh and that last picture? yea, that is the blue bathroom. hello kitty toilet seat cover and all. (i took one of me in 'birthing position' but it looks IN-appropriate so this is as close as you are going to get! one hand on the sink, one hand on the window sill.)

1 month.

what the heck is a sleep sheep you say?

dear aunt jennifer lenore bought us this glorious sleep sheep that hangs in the pack n play bassinet. it makes, like, noise. (ocean, stream, rain, and whale. whale?)

let's just say nate now speaks fluent whale. MWWAHHHWHAHA. (that is a whale noise. harness your 'finding nemo' whale speaking skills).

3 weeks, 4 days

BLUE STEEL

more later this afternoon.

hands free!!

sling it up.

nate went on several field trips today - to my office to be shown off (he slept almost the whole time), karl's NEW office (karl's office just moved out of downtown which means no more carpooling. boo.), dixie cafe *yum*, AND home depot (life IS exciting.) for the first two places i carried him in his carseat. that thing is HEAVY. (and he only weighs like 8.5 pounds!) the second half of the day was spent in his sling. MUCH better. MUCH more portable and convenient. all you preggos out there NEED one. for sure. (thanks maria for this one... it's awesome!) we are wearing it around the house trying to get used to getting him in and out of it and securing it. he loves it. it makes me feel very earth mama.

stranger danger comments:
a. (at home depot) "is there a real baby in there?" (nope, fake baby.)
b. (overheard from table next to ours): "do you think that baby came out of her?!?!" (ha.)

here is a nugget of internet goodness from my sister (oh those crazy wisconsins): BBQ SAUCE. (one must wonder it was smokey or sweet... what kind of sauce do they eat on their bbq up there?). speaking of my sister she is coming NEXT WEEK! i can't wait. nater salad wants to meet his flesh and blood aunt j. (not that he doesn't love all his adoptive aunties.) (also, flesh and blood is a strange expression. flesh? who uses that word ever?)

3 weeks, 1 day

babies don't have kneecaps.

some people are curious to how arlo and rox are getting along. pretty sure they are still a little spooked by the middle of the night crying. but overall they seem to be getting on. what do you think?

i went to the grocery store today when karl got home from work to hang with nate. i have been out a few times but not a huge amount. it was nice to get out and feel USEFUL. (and spend $! groceries are expenisvo!) (OH and i must look old and tired b/c the same cashier who asked me if i qualified for WIC a few months ago called me ma'am about 18 times tonight.) (plus i only had two gallons of milk.)

SPEAKING OF DAIRY (yum)... so far, nate doesn't seem to be allergic or have digestive issues with anything i am eating. (crossing fingers.) kim warned me that some moms who consume a lot of milk during pregnancy will have babies who don't digest dairy well. (which makes no sense to me but it doesn't appear to be an issue.)

oh and you know what else breast milk is good for? getting gunk out of baby eyes. yep. weird.

ALSO, for the record, I COMPLETELY LIED to you all and said pregnancy did not give me good hair or skin. seriously, my face is NOW broken out like a 16 year olds and my hair is disgusting. (but that hair thing could also be because i forget to take showers sometimes (a lot). it is hard to find time! aparantly also hard to find time to brush my teeth well. they are wearing some serious teeth sweaters these days. gross. sorry. (going to brush them right now!)

we told our birth story last night to three expecting ladies. everyone loved it. there were also three other moms there with stories/babies. their babies were all about 4 months old. they looked HUGE and STURDY compared to naterade. the best part (for me) was hearing their stories! (they all three went for water births - one had one and the other two labored in the water but delivered out.) it was interesting for me (because i had in my mind i would give birth standing up) that all three had an 'idea' of what position they wanted to deliver in before they went in to labor. (and all three had their baby in that position.)

they also had no fear about nursing in public. but were still very discreet and talented about it! (slings and covers and nursing tanks.) i hope i get there!

3 weeks old exactly! do we celebrate these week milestones? i have no fruit!! (i would approximate a large watermelon? what other products might one use to approximate the size of their outside baby?)

the many faces of nate

i love his little feet poking out in that top one. he's like you just try and swaddle me now!! (he still likes the swaddle though!)

i tried to do some basic editing in i-photo. i guess now that i have a child i have to learn how to 1. use my camera settings and 2. edit photos better. in a better program. ahhh... a maternity leave project!! (not that i am bored, trust me!)

his cheeks are taking over his face. it's pretty cute. he definately has OLD MAN face in full effect.

tonight we go to Birthworks - where we took our class- to share our birth story with other moms and dads to be. we are telling our story to the HOME BIRTH class! (we took the hospital birth class) so it should be interesting. i LOVED hearing the inspirational natural birth stories in my class so i hope ours is good enough to inspire some of the impending babies to come out fast and slippery like nate. (and it will be super nice to hear "AWESOME" in response to our birth instead of "FREAKS!" which is, in fact, some peoples response.)

I AM SO THIRSTY!!!!

2 weeks, 6 days.

sometimes black and white alien pictures are fun

we had some out of towners in this weekend.... brooke and caitlin came to hang out with nater bot. (the alien baby? just trying out different nicknames!) they (and mike and audra) made us delicious food and we played baby all afternoon and evening. it was nice. until they left and nate projectile pooped all over everything. oops.

here are some things we have learned in our first two weeks as parents:
1. don't remodel your kitchen with a newborn. (for the record, the only thing we did was some painting. no way we could have done any remodeling ourselves on this little sleep!)
2. sleep is nice. when you get it.
3. eating this many calories is awesome. when i have time to fix something. and scarf it down guilt free. yum.
4. nate is getting fatter! (kim came over to weigh him last week. we got him naked and got him in the scale. (one of those sling scales made of fabric). she lifted him up and he peed everywhere. this boy is an open air pee-er. that is a fact. we are pretty sure he weighed in at 7 lbs, 10 ounces... before the pee leaked everywhere. so he is probably a solid 8 pounder by now! those cheeks are filling OUT.)
5. breastfeeding still sucks. (ha.) but we are still 100% breast fed! (i am proud. it has been a challenge. we are still pumping and nursing...getting there.) OH AND WHO FORGOT to tell me that every time he cries my breasts will either a. leak or b. ache. it's a pretty sweet deal, really.
6. sometimes it is hard NOT to hold your baby. when he is perfectly content and and beautiful and sleeping, it is hard to leave him in his swing or pack n play bassinet! is that so wrong?

other things...
he is still a bit jaundiced looking. it stresses me out. we are going to the pedi AGAIN tomorrow.

um. i had all these great stories i was going to blog about but i can't seem to get them out of my head and on to the blog.

i forgot to tell you about the computer karl bought when we were admitted to the hospital. he went home to 'get some things' after we were admitted and somehow wound up at best buy getting a new computer while i was all alone having some lovely lactation consultant massage my boobs and sad little nate under his little lamp (hissing at him to get his a$@ to the hosptial on the phone!). oh, karl. he likes retail gadget therapy when he gets stressed.

2 weeks, 3 days old.

progress

cabinets = natural. walls = gray (squirrel. ew.). floors = tiled. countertops = um. spackeley.

it's all happening. and it's happening fast. but i wish it were faster.

more to follow. still no dishwasher, sink, or stove. (mmmm... more take out food! we do have our fridge so that's cool. still, when we snack, we snack off of various pantry items strewn throughout the house! (ex: k1: have you seen the granola bars? k2: i think they are in the office. n: waaaaaaaah!)

13 days old.

rough and ready?

sorry for the lack of pictures and blogging. i have been dealing with the remodel of our kitchen. and a newborn! OH YEA... 11 - 12 days postpartum.... the perfect time for new floors, cabinets, and sinks. karl and i sure did make a trip to home depot today to buy a sink! (sans baby... we left him with four capable grandparents as my parents are also here and we have uprooted a bit... spending yesterday and today at the inlaws (THANK YOU!) while the installers installed.

and, of course, with any home project... we are finding little things here and there to update! and tonight we might paint a bit (HAHAH! I am completely serious here.) honestly, we are both glad to be getting it done this week... for several reasons.... 1. we want it done. i couldn't stand looking at the dirty linoleum one single second longer. seriously, hands and knees scrubbing never got it clean. cheap. 2. karl is off work to handle. 3. umm... well, i am having trouble coming up with another positive at the moment as i have no kitchen sink! (or oven). (yea for breastfeeding!)

i look totally drunk and sleep deprived in that second pic! (but skinny, no!? i have ankles and the semblance of a waist! sorry, gratuitous body shot for you all to say 'YOU LOOK GREAT!' b/c i need MORE attention. probably not. but i am going to live it up while i can.)

AND that last one? yea, that's how nate feels about the remodel!

all that being said, nate is still a pretty chill little dude. i think the heavens MAY HAVE blessed us with a chill baby!?! MAYBE!! i probably shouldn't say that out loud as it will probably come back to haunt me! i, of course, am anxious about every little thing! is he crying enough? is he crying too much? is he clean? is he full? is he yellow!? (ah, jaundice!) is he breathing!? (HA!) is he hot? is he cold? ah. the list goes on and on! LIFE IS GOOD!

12 days old.

take that uncle sam

i punch you man.

camera 1, camera 2

just so you know the cankle complaining was REAL. that bottom shot is the day before i delivered. fun, right? doc was never worried about it and my blood pressure was always fine... ah, pregnancy! i feel like my body is slowly returning to me. it is AMAZING how much you have to surrender your body to being pregnant... i think b/c i felt so good most of the time that i don't think i realized JUST how much i had to give it up until it has slowly been going back to "normal." and it seems to be going back pretty fast! (awesome. i really can't wait to go walk or move around... not to lose weight just to get that 'reclaim my body feel' and not be all waddley and off balance!)

we went to the pedi again this morning. she is keeping a close eye on him. i kind of hate going to a place where there are GERMS EVERYWHERE so frequently, but we really like our pedi and trust her and, well, it's reassuring to check on little nater salad (hmm.) he is doing just beautifully... breast feeding is.... getting better. i am pumping still and feeding... hopefully i will get back to just feeding...we'll see. i was TOTALLY unprepared for how difficult and time consuming bf'ing was going to be. Pumping is actually helping to give me a little confidence (how do you 'just know' they are getting enough? seriously!?!?) With pumping, I know for sure Nate is getting some mil-mil-milky wh-whi-white... he had gained some poundage and is close to his birth weight. plus his latch remains just fine. trust me.

(is it possible he already looks different?)

i think i am going to the OB office tomorrow. normally you go 6 weeks post partum but i kind of want to touch base with my doc and make sure everything is cool. (he knows i delivered. we have talked via phone but not in person.) i feel great so not anticipating any sort of issues, but being in this weird in between model of care stresses me so i figure getting checked will make me feel better and just more reassurance our little family is on a healthy path.

brooke came down yesterday - she is a natural with baby n - and we had a ridiculously lovely afternoon just hanging out with nate. he is a super chill baby so far. (PS did you know babies float with your hand behind just their neck? he took an herbal bath with me this afternoon (suggested by midwife) and just floated all happy like around. kicking out his seriously long legs. it was pretty stinking adorable. i took a picture but that is in-a-pro-priate.)

happy one week birthday nate and happy almost due date to me!

i promise to try and not make the bloggity TOTALLY baby focused, but, well, i kind of feel a little proud, and i kind of want to show him off. thank you all once again for reading and for your kind comments and positive support. it helps. a lot. (AH! EMOTIONAL HORMONAL MOMENT.... lactating makes you all weepy like.)

7 days.

what's more painful than childbirth? I totally get to use that whenever i want.

1. insurance
2. breast feeding! ha!

so, since nate's birth was so unusual our pedi has been keeping a close eye on him - she is awesome and totally working with us. he is perfectly fine. however, he was looking a bit jaundiced (happens lots in boys and breast fed babies aparantly? he was a bit yellow. i still don't think we needed to take him, but we had to introduce him to the world of western medicine some time, right?) so we took him to baptist hospital for overnight observation and some lights. all his tests have come back perfectly fine and we are at home now. everyone has been great at the hospital but i still don't understand how it works. for the record, it was NOT as traumatic as i thought it would be (but still sad!). The WORST part was they were initially letting me take him out to breast feed him and then put him back under, but for the overnight they wanted me to feed him inside his little isolette thingey. (which means i had to PUMP... which was fine last night but we are having some serious repurcussions as a result this morning.... pretty sure i pumped way too much and now am having issues getting enough. plus the stress of being there and not home is NOT helping. there were some tears this afternoon. from nate and me. we are not giving up yet though. determined.)

some of you might know that karl's insurance was changing as of July 1. The whole time we joked i would go into labor on the evening of the 30th and deliver at midnight or 12:01 on july 1 just to confuse the insurance agencies. BUT NOW not only do we have to contend with filing the midwife/homebirth cost and care with insurance, we also have to file one day with nate (yesterday) on one insurance and today on another. you know that is going to get completely screwed up and we are going to forevermore be calling insurance agencies. (karl says this stresses him out WAY more than the dramatic birth.)

what else have i learned in the hospital? karl is OBSESSED with hospital food. he says he could eat it every day. we have only had two meals here but he has (disgustingly i might add) slurped down every bit and piece of his. nasty eggs in a bag and all. (not that my tray leaves UN-empty). (my diet the past few days i will update on soon. seriously, it's ridiculous.)

i wore my trusty maternity jeans to the hospital. thank you all for lying to me and telling me i didn't look enormous at the end of my pregnancy. I WAS SO SWOLLEN. (also thank you for not saying anything about the sorry state of my toenails.) the legs of those jeans were tight on wednesday and now they just look crazy loose. MY ANKLE BONES HAVE FINALLY RETURNED. i touch them all the time just to make sure i can feel them. i know you all care... i can lay on my tummy and i can sit indian style.... almost ready for a 5K! (haha!) i THOUGHT i would miss being pregnant and having nate inside of my belly but I can safely say that at the moment i definately definately do NOT.

despite the total exhastion and soreness here and there, i am so happy he is an outside baby!

5 days old. (is that right? they are all blending.)