so i have been doing a lot of this

in between doctors appointments and NOT WORKING. the docs - they don't know what is wrong with me. but, unless i am symptom free for over 24 hours they don't want me to go back to work until NEXT WEDNESDAY. they still think i might have mono and that it isn't showing up in any of the thousand vials of blood they took. the ladies at daycare jokingly told karl they thought i was pregnant. ha. that is not even funny. wow. how do moms of more than one child or single parents even get sick? i mean, seriously? i can't even function. and i have to wear a scary mask around the baby. it frightens him.

additionally, all these antibiotics and the sheer volume of fluid my body is requiring me to drink have been seriously messing with my milk supply. freezer stash is gone. baby is still hungry. we are still experimenting with the whole solid food thing.... so it stresses me to introduce too many new foods or too much food at once. so, sadly, tonight i broke down and ripped open a can of the dreaded formula (dun dun dun) some marketing gods at Enfamil sent us and I wouldn't let karl throw away. it is really only sad to me b/c i have my goal of 6 months exclusive w/o formula and now that is shattered. plus, i am cheap and don't want to pay for formula. i am pretty sure i can get the supply back up if this illness EVER goes away, but for now, he is getting a little supplement. i only cried about it a little. he took to it happily - like it was a big ole bottle of breast milk. it was a bit sad. i am not anti-formula (you gotta do what works for you), i just choo-choo-choose breastmilk and i work REALLY hard for it and i am too stubborn to quit BFing until I reach my goal. also, if he sleeps through until the morning, he might forevermore get a bottle of formula before bedtime and bm the rest of the time. crap, this paragraph (all this talk about breastfeeding) is making my boobs leak.... does that ever stop?!?!

also, as a treat to myself, because i am sick (6 days straight of fever people. i am really, really sick of the whole freezing/sweating combo about now.), i recieved Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 to watch from my friends at netflix. there is something about being sick that makes me want to curl up (ALONE! no one is actually allowed to touch or be near me when i am sick. which is very difficult with an infant.) and watch teeny bopper movies. and eat pecan sandies and mashed potatos. (because that is what grandma and grandpa always had for me.)

what do you crave the most when you are sick?