nate is now 2.

Dude, I know I've said this before, but (in true first time mother form) THIS IS MY FAVORITE AGE.

We had a small gathering for Nate's 2nd Birthday at the house. Well, in the backyard. Where there were fans. And small pools for the swimming. And beer. And cookies. And the most delicious cheddar bacon dip on triscuts that you have ever put in your mouth. (No, seriously.)

I am not sure what to say about Nate on his birthday post because there is so much to tell that I know I won't get it all. I shall try and share a few glimpses.

He doesn't walk, he runs. Not gracefully. It occasionally makes my heart flutter as he careens narrowly by table edges and, um, walls. (Yes walls.)

He speaks in complete sentences (they don't always make sense but there is ALWAYS more than one word). Though I will admit that he speaks much more clearly than I thought he would at this age. His wordcount is WAAAAAY over the 200 words they "should be" saying by 2. (For the record, I wouldn't mind if he was only saying 2 or 20 words at this point... I try not to put too much stock into the "shoulds" but IT IS AMAZING the words he says. Like EXCAVATOR. And BACKWARDS... when he is actually going backwards... how can I not talk about that?) When he wants juice, he says "juice please mommy," when its milk, 'milk please.' ITS CRAZY HOW THIS COMMUNICATION THING WORKS! Occasionally, it's COOKIE PLEASE all day and night. Additionally, he still says the F word to describe the T word (truck). (I do hope that goes away soon.) He can identify every letter of the alphabet, most colors correctly and has memorized many lines from his favorite books. He's not so into numbers or counting.

He watches one movie - Cars and only occasionally. We've found that when we turn the TV on in the morning, Nate is whinier that day than when we leave it off. He had gotten to the point where he could identify specific episodes of Word World (PBS show) and would request them but we wouldn't always get it. (Like he would say "sand shark" and we were supposed to understand that meant the episode titled "Castle in the Sea." CLEARLY. And, when we put on the wrong episode, well, cue toddler MELTDOWN. So, now if he melts down we just turn it off. Or, better yet, we just don't turn it on at all. He does love Cars and I can assure you he knows all the characters names. (Mater Fuck is my favorite.)

He is becoming pickier in his old age regarding food. We eat a lot of waffles and fruit and the staple favs - mac n cheese, chicken fingers, etc. I can still con him into edamame, but most other green things are snubbed.

Sleep? Well, he still only sleeps 10 hours a night with a 1 to 2 hour nap... which is about what he did when he was one year of age... so, erm, not much to say about that. I'm thankful that he takes a nap at all. I wish it was more and I JUST KNOW my next child will be a marathon sleeper. HAHAHA.

He went through a brief phase were he would tell me to "go away mommy" when he and Karl were playing in the morning. (I look a fright in the AM.) It hurt my heart a little, but it has passed for the moment and now when I walk in he gives me a big hug and says "hi buddy" as he snuggles my shoulder.

Despite some meltdowns, he seems happier than he has ever been. He laughs a lot so I do too.

He has his 2 year check up next week, so I'll be sure to share any interesting details. (like the # of bowel movements he has that day. STAY TUNED!)

Here are some of the cutie pies at the par-tay:

Here are Nash and Nate sharing cake. Well, Nate decided that he wanted a cracker instead.

family featured yo

Photo courtesy of Michael Baxley for Little Rock Family

A few weekends ago I had the honor of participating in a photo shoot with the lovely folks (most that I had already met in real life through our relationships started via - gasp - the internet) pictured above for a local parenting/family magazine. (Aptly called Little Rock Family!) The full spread is titled "Meet the Bloggers: 13 Central Arkansas Bloggers You Should Be Reading" and, hey, look... squint in there...down left... it's me! See me? The one in purple? With the mis-matchy matchy turquoise shoes and the long, slightly tangled hippie hair? That's me!

I'm a blogger. You should read me.

If you already read me then, you, my friend, are clearly SUPER TRENDY and know quality when you see it. If this is your first time here, well, welcome. I blog about life. I try to include both the happy and the sad equally in this space. Feel free to stick around and 'do life' with me via the internets. And look: here is a picture of me looking really super-geeky and reading the article about myself and taking a picture of myself. Because THAT, my friends, is the kind of thing bloggers do.

(Oh and we also steal 5 (er...or so) copies of the print edition from the local bakery and put them in the post to send to our moms and dads and grandmothers and various other out of town friends and family members that just HAVE to have them.) (What?! I realize I'm almost 30 years old but it's still okay to get excited about the little things, right?! RIGHT.)

the things i learned about hosting a virtual 5K (oh and THE RESULTS)

OHMMMMGEEEE, ya'll. I have so much stuff to blog about that I'm about to burst. I'm like a child. It's sad. I shouldn't be this excited about blogging. Seriously. This is why people make fun of me.

First, I MUST SHARE the results of the Run Like Robot Virtual 5K.

I learned a few things about hosting a virtual race:

1. It's super hot for a 5K mid-June. Pick cooler temperatures.

2. Um... making iron-on tshirts - not so successful. Will have someone, um, professional do the printing for us next time.

3. Planning to put up results in a fun, creative way the week of family vacation and Nate's birthday... not so smart!

4. Like Kate said, explaining a Virtual 5K to anyone outside internet land = BLANK STARES. (Occasionally accompanied by 'she's loco' looks.)

5. Some of us, without prompting, will actually pose like robots! These were my favorite photos of the bunch, I can't lie.

Without further ado, here are the results! I have to say it was quite the thrill sending out the shirts and getting everyone's pics and stories. We have lots of different tales and I hope you will enjoy looking at them all. There are a few more that will be added as I receive them.

Oh, yea, and you know it had to have it's own robot website!


Feeling like sending you all big, sweaty post-running virtual hugs and kisses. And taking us all out for beer and burgers. (Hmmm... a virtual meal?!? HAHAHA. TOO FAR, TOO FAR. I don't need to see pictures of anyone eating. Let's stick with the running.)

internet slooooooooooooooooooow

We are HERE:

With some of these cuties:

In this cabin: (which is literally just up the hill from the river pictured above. I may or may not have made Karl put a cooler in front of our inside and locked door last night b/c I was having anxiety attacks about Nate climbing out of his pack n play, unlocking the door, and going for a moonlight swim.) (For the record he has neither climbed out of his pack n play nor opened a locked door but I.was.positive it was going to happen last night.) (I know. I have issues.)

For this:

It took me exactly 48 minutes to upload these four tiny images on the stellar internet connection in our cabin (ethernet cord included!), so, yea, all those robot pics are coming! PROMISE! (Plus I'm still waiting on two racers to email me their pics.)

In the meantime, 12 adults, 11 children aged ten and under. Nate's already bloodied his lip on a butterfly net and bruised his knee on the lawn games. It's a hard life.

well hell

I really try not to post about holidays I don't particularly care to celebrate (mothers day, fathers day, um, VALENTINES DAY) but I took this picture today at our family lunch (at the Purple Cow - the familiest of family establishments... complete with purple milkshakes) and, well, HELL, it's just so cute that I couldn't resist sharing. This boy loves his daddy.

I'm not going to vomit mushy gushey-ness all up in this space, but I have been a little mush gush as of late and feeling lucky to have a baby and a baby daddy and I have to say: Karl takes fatherhood quite seriously and is an excellent example to Nate. (I mean I only remember him standing over a crying infant once in the middle of the night lamenting "WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!" The rest of the time he was rocking and shushing and loving. That man could win a shushing contest.). No really, Karl did (and does) late night feedings, early mornings, bathtimes, mealtimes, diaper changes, scraped knees and relatively frequent overnights.

To this day, he is the one who gets up with Nate every single morning. (He = morning happy. Me = not so much.). He is the ONLY one who can brush Nate's teeth properly (but I can do a mean sticker dance as I help him with his teeth sticker chart) and Nate asks "where daddy" often during our days. They vacuum together (my husband is OCD about vacuuming; remind me to tell you about it sometime) and do yardwork together even though it would be much faster for Karl to do it without Nate tagging along.

You can stop vomiting now!

Karl and I have been working on a special presentation for our Run Like Robot participants and I really think ya'll (see how I did that? YA'LL.) are going to like it!

run like robot TODAY

Today is the day to run like a robot if you are participating!

I've already received a few images! Here are Meredith and Shannon! I will add some details about their races (and all the races) as soon as I get all the deets. (Don't you hate when people say DEETS for details?)



AND IN BAD ROBOT NEWS, Karl washed his shirt and this happened (I did wash all the shirts before creating them so they are good to wear straight out of the envelope):

(I swear I tell him NOT to do laundry. He washed it on Max Extract (which is a fun name for a laundry setting) and didn't turn it inside out. I washed mine (which is like Shannon's above; transparent background) and it came out fine. I am partial to the shirts with the white background myself so I am HOPING they don't all do that or I will cry. I used the exact same materials that I made the Linda and Libby 10K shirts with and I've washed that shirt thousands of times with no ill effect, but apparently maybe not true for the robot shirts? Sad and apologies if it happens to yours! Next time, we'll have shirts printed. Like at a printer.

Get out there and RUN! It's 101 degrees here - what are you complaining about!?!

cupcakes and robots

In other news, I have been preparing (sort of) for Nate's 2nd birthday party. It's going to be very minimal/laid back. I really only want two things for the party: a plethora of robots and a plethora of cupcakes.

Here are the invites (you might notice the robots are VERY similar to our Run Like Robot 5K robots. This is not an accident.) (Address blacked out. Obvs.)
I have been searching around the internet for both and have found quite a bit of adorableness.

One:
Not so robot-ey but definitely a cupcake and definitely a FIT with Nate's current Cars obsession.
TOW-MATER!

AND THIS IS A CUPCAKE!! This has absolutely nothing to do with the party but this cupcake contest is amazing! Check it out!

And in the robot arena, I really found nothing useful but JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH, Spoonflower (fabric site) is having a robot fabric contest this week. Here are a few of my favorites (links to them on image.):

I don't really know what I would do with them at this MOMENT but I totally want them. All of them.

If you've found anything regarding cupcakes or robots recently, please share.

lend me some sugga

Yesterday was on of THOSE days.... you know...one of those perfect country western song days. I returned home from St. Louis on Saturday morning. I was super pumped to be home early and had a lovely meal with some wonderful women. I went home feeling happy and ready for a nap.

Within the next 24 hours, our air conditioning unit went out, our dryer wouldn't go back on when Karl flipped the breaker, one of our dogs vomited grass and stomach acid everywhere, the turtle we found in the back yard escaped, Nate refused to nap until 4:37 PM (and I had to drive him around in the car to get him to fall asleep), the tree in our front yard shred the rest of its leaves (read: IT IS DEAD and we need someone to cut it down) and, um, er, Karl and I were NOT being as patient with one another as we should have been.

We packed up and headed over to Karl's parents. The moment we arrived, Karl went to the fridge and grabbed us both a beer. Nate was AMPED up to be at Gigi's and was running around giggling and playing and excessively HAPPY and I just couldn't help but LET GO of everything else and just enjoy being with him and with Karl. We let him stay up until 10 and then Karl and I stayed up laughing about how long we were going to be staying in his parent's basement.

It wound up being a happy evening.

(Turns out just the one night; air fixed the next day! Additionally, our neighbor, who is horticulturist, offered to take down the tree and plant a new one for us at no cost! Oh and the dryer works too. And the turtle... well, he's probably better off without an almost-2 year old picking him up and dropping him on the concrete.)

virtual 5K tshirts are in the mail

So I've learned a lot about iron on transfers in the past two days. GAH! The shirt making was fun and hilarious. I couldn't have done it without my friend Erin. We laughed a lot. I cursed. I took a hot iron to the hand.

Exhibit A:
DEAD ROBOTS:
Exhibit B (the packaging):
Exhibit C (one of the finished products): They all look a little different and, um, definitely handmade. I hope all the recipients find them as entertaining as me. Next time we'll get a sponsor and find a cause and have them professionally printed. For now, these will do, yes?

They are IN THE MAIL and I'm a little nervous they aren't going to get there. I'm afraid the envelopes are going to FLY OPEN and some strange mail person will be wandering around in a RUN LIKE ROBOT shirt. Hmph. I hate the post office. (I shall rescind this statement and profess my love for the post if everyone gets their shirts.) If you are participating and don't receive a shirt by Sat the 12th or Monday the 14th please let me know. I don't really have A PLAN if that happens, but we'll figure something out!

cards and cupcakes

First of all, thank you for all the comments on the blog post and the emails and the snail mail and the phone calls and the texts and the food and the snacks and, well, just EVERYTHING. Every single word has been read over and over and we appreciate all the love and the prayers and, well, again just EVERYTHING. I alternate between moments of gratitude for the amazing support and moments of anger at the whole situation and moments of disbelief that it really happened.

I've eaten a lot of cupcakes and watched a lot of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I have never been so thankful to have a husband that has not one single hesitation about how to care for our child. He pretty much took over and allowed me to lay wrapped up in the covers for many, many hours.

On a physical note, I think it's finally over. (crossing fingers on that) It was more painful than I thought it would be. I joked with several of you that I now have to curb my new pain killer/percoset habit and join the real world again. It's really not funny but I let go off my normal reticence to swallow pills and it helped. The most heart breaking moment of this whole ordeal happened for me in the middle of the night...or maybe during a nap...I'm not really clear as I slept quite a bit, BUT, at one point I woke up clutching my stomach and lower abdomen... both arms wrapped around my waist area. I'm sure it was mostly because of the pain and cramping but it felt like such an instinctual, protective pregnancy moment. (I constantly had a hand on my own belly while Nate was in there!)

It's been a weird week and now it's a new one. I'm looking forward to it. There are so many good things happening this summer and I refuse to miss them. I'm not done thinking and grieving but I think I might be done talking about it on the blog (so if you have any additional questions or thoughts let me know).

I do want to say a special thanks to those of you that shared your own miscarriage experiences. It's a shitty club to be in, but I feel like one we shouldn't be ashamed to discuss. I know not feeling alone helped me and I hope I can help others going through it if the need arises.

So, tomorrow, we will go to the pool and mail our Virtual 5K tshirts and appreciate that (guess what?) ITS SUMMERTIME! (As evidenced by the 100 degree temperature this afternoon!)

the ugly miscarriage post

::heart sink::

So, yea, you know how I was all 'I'm afraid to tell the world I'm pregnant but I'm going to do it anyway!?' (Look at me! Last time everything was fine!)

Yea. Well, I'm not anymore.

Pregnant that is.

As stated in my pregnancy announcement post, I hope you will listen now and be supportive. I'm going to be open and honest and tell you some of the gritty details so, if you don't want to hear about them, stop reading. I'm not going to stop sharing.

I started having some light spotting and bleeding yesterday when I woke up. It was pretty brownish in nature so I was hopeful it was just normal implantation bleeding or spotting or old blood or one of the many other reasons one might bleed in early pregnancy. I called my midwife and we talked about it. There was little cramping so we decided to just keep an eye on it and hope it stopped. I rested and took it easy all day. Fast forward to the early afternoon - bleeding increasing a little, cramps increasing. (For the record, I had a ton of intense cramping with Nate's pregnancy so I was trying not to freak out too much.) After talking to Kim some more and my friend Jaime (also L&D nurse), I decided if I woke up with any blood at all, I was going to call the doctor for an appointment.

Needless to say, I woke up bleeding (still not enough to soak a pad but bright red and enough to be worrisome) and put a call in the moment my clinic opened. The office was able to get me in and my friend Jaime (& her beautiful newborn Sadie) were able to go with me. I was unsure if I wanted anyone to be there, but I will be forever grateful she was. The details are not so important here... Sweet Doctor Simmons performed a vaginal exam - I was super embarrassed to have him look IN THERE b/c I was bleeding and he was like "you know i deliver babies through vaginas all day, right?" (oh, right.) He took a peek and decided we needed a vaginal ultrasound (my first ever!). The tech was backed up and the doctor let us wait in his office for thirty minutes (which was super sweet b/c Sadie needed to nurse and I needed to CALM DOWN and not in front of a waiting room full of strangers).

The ultrasound tech wanded me (weird). I feel like I knew what the doctor was going to say before he opened his mouth, but there is something about SAYING IT OUT LOUD that makes it official. He gently put his hand on my knee and said "I'm so sorry." The great thing about Dr. Simmons - he genuinely was sorry and took the time to look me in the face and tell me. I let a few tears slip out in that room... not great, racking sobby tears but the three or four down your face/raggedy breath/super sad kind of tears. We went back to his office and discussed options (wait it out vs. d&c). For several reasons, I am opting to let it happen at home. This means passing quite a bit of blood and tissue. It's ugly and not over yet. And it hurts. The doctor offered me percocet and I (who turned my nose up at Ibuprofen immediately following my drug free birth and have swallowed maybe three or four pain killers in my life) jumped at that prescription and filled it immediately. I've taken my first one this evening and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH when you don't take medicine ever, THAT SHIT WORKS. I feel super drunk RIGHT NOW. (Karl's mom has Nate overnight.)

So many things have been running through my mind since I started bleeding yesterday.... I shouldn't have been working out, I shouldn't have been lifting Nate as much, I shouldn't have had that ONE COKE that ONE TIME, I should have slowed down more, slept more and eaten better, been in better shape to start with. I shouldn't have been so confident about it. I shouldn't have told everyone so early (ugh.). I should have slept on my left side more. I should have done x, y AND z. But the truth is none of these things would have made a difference. This pregnancy was not meant to be. Sometimes miscarriages just happen.

At just under 7 weeks, It feels like my body is betraying me even when, deep down, I know it's doing what it needs to do. I feel sad. I cry. I wander around doing normal things - like going to the store and dropping Nate off at school - wondering HOW THE HELL everyone else is acting so normal when I'm BLEEDING PEOPLE!! I dream of chasing my newly discovered percocet with a half bottle of vodka and maybe a few illicit cigarettes (naughty). I cringe at the awkward conversations I will be having in the near future with both friends and acquaintances - people (myself included) never seem to know what to say about a miscarriage. I want it to be acknowledged but I don't want it to be uncomfortable - is that even possible?

The doctor recommended waiting two complete cycles before we try again, but, I have to be honest, right now I feel like waiting another few YEARS before trying again. I still love pregnancy and being pregnant and babies and encourage my friends and family to get pregnant (HEAR THAT? DO IT!). I am thrilled for all my friends going through pregnancy currently and with new babies. I continue to be deeply appreciative for what I have and I know everything is going to be fine. I know women go through miscarriages much later than me or have birth complications I didn't have. I know I am lucky to have a crazy large support system. Don't get me wrong: the situation still TOTALLY BLOWS and I'm still pissed off about it but it's going to get better.

So, that is that. GAH. Fuck you, June 2, 2010.