the secret life of the american, um, thirty year old

I have to tell you something.

I'm pregnant.

Yep.

15 weeks.

I couldn't bring myself to share it before now. I wanted to. I thought about it. But I couldn't.

Partly because it was a huge surprise and I'm SO not good with surprises (so, so not good). Partly because I've been violently ill (Okay, violently might be a bit strong but there has been a lot of vomit spewing at my house.) (You're welcome for the usage of the word SPEW!). Partly because I'm embarrassed to be starting this pregnancy 20 pounds heavier and FAR less in shape from where I started with Nate. Partly because I've been having trouble eating right and exercising because I'm nervous about being pregnant again and I just feel all around bad and only want things like, say, Sonic fried mozzarella sticks. Partly because I've already been having some blood pressure and heart rate issues and, well, I NEVER had to deal with that with Nate's pregnancy and it's scary (Cue: CUT THE MOZZARELLA STICKS!) and high bp would possibly prevent me from giving birth at home (which is currently the plan; but the plan is open and I've been seeing my midwife and my OB). Partly because I've been obsessively watching the Secret Life of the American Teenager (Don't do it. It's awful.) and other terrible, trashy and awful television in an effort to NOT THINK ABOUT IT.

But, seriously, none of these things are COMPLAINTS just worries and anxieties that I'm coping with. In fact, I want YOU to GET EXCITED because I'm (and Karl as well) really and truly ecstatic to be preparing for another little one. I can't WAIT for a new little personality to join our home (Please God more laid back like Karl this time, yes?). Yes, it was unexpected but we're rolling with it. I mean, some days I still wonder exactly how I accidentally got pregnant at 30 years old but I'm (mostly) over that now. (Karl has already given me the 'it only takes one time' speech several times.)

I guess, after my miscarriage in June, I just thought maybe we'd wait waaaaaaay longer or that I would be perfectly happy with Nate being an only child. My due date for the pregnancy I miscarried was January 23. I found out I was pregnant this time around January 15. Fitting, yes?

Honestly, I'm feeling like a Real Live Human again and I have some truly hilarious pregnancy stories and tidbits to share with you (#1 being how I realized I might be pregnant) but, for now, I just wanted to LET THE SECRET OUT.

14 weeks, 5 days