focus on the happy

Dear Lord, you all.

I haven't been able to FOCUS at all.

I think, for the most part, I've just been ridiculously happy as of late and maybe a little part of me is afraid to say "Hey!  Look at me!  I'm happy!" because... well... I don't really know why.  Perhaps because several not-at-all-happy things happened in 2011?!  Perhaps because it's just hard for me to say that out loud?!  I know, I know, it's RIDICULOUS... but it's so UNLIKE me to not have a litany of complaints on the tip of my tongue.

(Not that I was unhappy before.  But, you know, I'm an over-analyzer.)

I've just got this crazy baby-fierce love thing going on right now with Nora Kate that blocks out a lot of my life's seemingly smaller problems.  I think it's A LOT because, after she came out, I had this weird "We're done having kids" feeling.   I know it sounds crazy but I do sort of feel like our little family unit is done.  Karl says that the baby is too young to make any permanent decisions (HA!  Since I was the one who originally wanted 5 kids and he was more the "we'll see after the first one" type.).  I'm definitely not completely ruling out future babies (of my own body or of the adoptive variety... I definitely can NOT fathom going through pregnancy and labor again.), but I do have a strong no-more feeling.

 So... I'm constantly thinking "This is the last time I'll ever have a baby this small" (I REALLY feel like it is!)  or "This is the last time I'll be getting up at night to nurse a baby." Three months in and I still  seriously look forward to our nighttime nursing sessions - she really only has one and I use it as my excuse to keep her in the bed with me.... because the co-sleeper that ATTACHES to our bed is apparently too far away.  (If you guys KNEW the musical beds that happened in our house you might be horrified.  What can I say?  We like sleeping with our kids.  And one day they won't want to sleep with us!)  

Basically, I want to be all selfish and soak her in and enjoy her and lay in bed with her all day.  I know I DID those things with Nate but, well, he was the first so we spent a lot more time concerned about things like IS HE BREATHING?!  or WHY IS HE BREATHING LIKE THAT?!?  Everything seemed a bit more stressful with him.  I can't decide if the difference is that NK is an easier baby or that I'm a more relaxed parent.   Or perhaps (and most likely) a little bit of both.    Plus, I think, with Nate, I KNEW we would be doing the whole baby thing again.  

And, really, if I could guarantee that all subsequent children would be as easy as NK, I might consider having, say, ten more?!  (Er... maybe just the one more.)

I mean, let's face it.  Karl and I make adorable babies.